This post is designed to serve as my final wishes when I end up #dead. It was last updated April 2019.
My brother is hereby designated as responsible for fulfilling these wishes. HAHA, Sucker.
Upon my death, I am to be cremated. My ashes should be thrown in the face of Mitch McConnell. If that piece of shit is no longer alive, please find a similar asshole and throw my ashes in his or her face.
With all the alcohol I have, including beer, , and Malört, a party should be thrown. You should call this party “Aaron’s Funeral” and no one leaves until it has all . If you can’t hang, don’t bother showing up.
All other assets of mine should be used in the following manner:
First: Pay for legal representation for anyone charged with completing the proper disposal of my ashes (see above)
Next: With the first $1,000,000 (AKA, all of it unless I’m really lucky), 1% is to be given to the person who most recently punched Richard Spencer in the face and has posted the video online. The remaining 99% shall be used to set up as a trust for my niece that is to be disbursed 40% when she graduates high school, 40% when she graduates college, 20% when she posts her first drunk selfie on a social network. My brother is to be the trustee of this trust.
With any remaining funds, I would like it donated to American Model United Nations.