Last Will and Testement

This post is designed to serve as my final wishes when I end up #dead. It was last updated April 2019.

My brother is hereby designated as responsible for fulfilling these wishes. HAHA, Sucker.

Upon my death, I am to be cremated. My ashes should be thrown in the face of Mitch McConnell. If that piece of shit is no longer alive, please find a similar asshole and throw my ashes in his or her face.

With all the alcohol I have, including beer, whisky, and Malört, a party should be thrown. You should call this party “Aaron’s Funeral” and no one leaves until it has all been consumed. If you can’t hang, don’t bother showing up.

All other assets of mine should be used in the following manner:

First: Pay for legal representation for anyone charged with completing the proper disposal of my ashes (see above)

Next: With the first $1,000,000 (AKA, all of it unless I’m really lucky), 1% is to be given to the person who most recently punched Richard Spencer in the face and has posted the video online. The remaining 99% shall be used to set up as a trust for my niece that is to be disbursed 40% when she graduates high school, 40% when she graduates college, 20% when she posts her first drunk selfie on a social network. My brother is to be the trustee of this trust.

With any remaining funds, I would like it donated to American Model United Nations.

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